This morning, my children reminded me of a previous night when I had lacked self-control and slammed their door. Now, I don’t feel like I need to explain myself or make excuses because I realize my own sin caused me to do this. But just to make this a little more relatable I will explain to you how this anger built up and why I lost control.
First of all, I haven’t slept in 4 months (since Lydia was born). On top of her just being a really “difficult” baby to get to sleep, I’ve been trying to get her to nap and fall asleep in her crib. This, my friends, is exhausting. It’s many hours of slowly creeping away from her crib and praying that she doesn’t start squirming.
This particular night, I was on hour 3 of doing this. Every time I would get her to sleep, the floor would creak or the kids would yell. Finally the time came when my husband and I put our oldest two children to bed. I knew they were hyped up on Valentine’s candy and treats so I was preparing myself for a difficult night.
But I wasn’t preparing myself for how long this craziness would last. I had finally got the baby to sleep and I was ready to go to bed. But my children were yelling, singing, and banging on the walls. Instead of giving them the correction they needed, I yelled back, I took a toy away and I slammed the door.
While I tried to apologize and make things right, I knew the damage had already been done.
Then, this morning (a few days later) I overheard my oldest two saying, “yeah, she’s so mean”, “yeah the meanest”. I asked them who they were talking about and they replied, “you Mommy”. Talk about heartbroken. I tried to explain to my girls why I had gotten upset and that Mommy makes mistakes too. While this was a great opportunity to reveal my own sin and my own need for God’s forgiveness, it still hurts.
Not that I feel the need to explain why I haven’t been blogging as much lately, I just want to let you all know that sometimes the words are just not there. I try to sit down and write hoping to fill the page with encouragement and truthfulness that will grow you as a mother. But so many times I forget that I’m going through the trials too. I don’t have any encouragement to give because I’m walking through the trenches beside you.
I’m smelling the spit up and dealing with the toddler’s tantrum all while trying to break up the argument before it gets violent.
So, what do I say when I feel like I’m falling apart? How can I encourage you, my readers, when I feel so discouraged myself?
The answer: Be in His presence.
The song “holy spirit” is one of my favorite songs because it reminds me that I’m not alone. It motivates me to welcome God into our home. To focus more on Him and less on the sin.
My favorite part of this song is the bridge and it says: “Let us become more aware of Your presence, Let us experience the glory of Your goodness.”
Mama, this is what we need.
When we become aware that God is with us then we will witness His goodness in the everyday struggles.
So today, I’m encouraging myself and you to be still and feel His presence. Close your eyes and pray this song over your home.
If you are looking for more encouragement as a woman of faith, then I suggest you check out this wonderful course from Katie (Embracing a Simpler Life). I’ve gotten to know Katie over the past year and she is such a sweet friend full of wisdom and encouragement.
The Help for the Hopeless Homemaker course is $10 off from February 22nd-27th.